the void beckoned.

i stood softly

quaking

afraid

what is there is to do in the void?

i pondered quietly

the void answered,

nothing.

perfect.

i replied

i need time

i need time

i need time

i need rest

i’m tired of reds , blues

if i see oranges and greens i’ll scream

i can’t bear seeing his face

i can’t live on this planet anymore

i want to go to you

i screamed into the void

the void laughed

everyone does, my dear

everyone wants to think they’re special for wanting what they can’t have

i am not yours to have, however

i am my own

i kept screaming.

i kept searching.

searching for a lack of color

searching for a reason to be

searching

always searching

lost but never found

wondering what makes up the stars

wondering what causes the sky to be blue and the grass green

is my green your green?

what do you see when you look into my pink cheeks and blue eyes?

are my blue eyes the same as your brown?

are we the same?

are we entirely different celestial bodies?

am i a galaxy or am i an ant?

i kept screaming.

i think i forgot who i am.

i remember your fingernails

i remember your belly button

i remember the smell of your kitchen when your mom makes grilled cheese

i smell smoke.

i miss your dog.

am i a part of the infinite span of time?

do i breathe in seconds or minutes or years?

what happened to last week?

it’s right now and later and in the past

it’s more than it seems

i am more than i seem.

is my time your time?

do we run at the same speed or am i in fast forward?

i am caught in a fast forwarded loop replaying the same fate

faster than i would like.

faster than you it seems.

i miss your dog.

do you remember when we drove around on the moon?

i think we were a thousand years old by then.

i think I forgot who you are.

i am aware of the entire universe in my pink , shriveled brain.

i am tired of pink

i am tired of blood red and sickly yellow

i relish in the lack of everything.

the universe in my cranium is expanding

i don’t know what it is expanding into

where is it going?

can i go there?

before there’s anything

i want to rest and sleep in the nothingness that is the non-universe

i am made of antimatter

i am fundamentally repulsing all atoms around me.

where did the time go

where did you go

you are the entire universe and i am suffocating in you

i am drowning in your pores

in your eyebrows

in your eye crinkles

in between your toes

in your ears

you’re crushing me

i can’t breathe

i can’t breathe

i can’t breathe

let me breathe

i can’t breathe

the void asked me where i went.

i thought you were ready

the void spoke softly

i don’t need you

i moaned

i’m hungry for more.

i need his eyes

i need his chest

i need his fingers

i need more i need more I NEED MORE

i screamed

the void quaked

afraid

the substance i am abusing seems to be made of the night sky

i am addicted to blue

i overdosed on the clouds

i breathed in the quantifiable size of everything that has ever existed.

the trees turn towards you

the sky bends towards your force

the birds, the bugs, the monsters follow and stoop to your power

i think you used to be a god

i think we all used to be gods

i am trapped

my immortal body is floating

my impenetrable armor is permeated 

with reds, oranges, greens, blues, yellows

i think i am dying.

i think i am fatally mortal

i wish i wasn’t a god

i wish i was in the void

i miss your dog.