I fall deeper and deeper with

Every scathing second.

My eyes are wide open now

And I realize that this is not a dream.

She turns inside me,

Her tiny foot skids the wall of my stomach.

I don’t know how she is a girl,

But she is.

And I choose a name after it is too late.

And I kill the time along with her

Because I am a fool

Who would prefer to drown beneath the blue sheets

And stare up at the moon

Than have my child and watch her bloom.

I can’t go back now and I hope to God,

That there is a Heaven for babies who don’t get born,

Even though I don’t believe in God or Heaven

Maybe she does

And maybe then they’ll have a place set aside for her,

Better than the home of her poor mother.

And maybe they’ll teach her why I did it,

Because if God is so merciful,

Then he’ll take care of her when I didn’t.

And the moon looks even whiter now,

As pure as my love who deserves so much better,

Than to be the aftershock of a susceptible mistake.

I thought I was dreaming but I never woke up.

My eyes stayed open,

Staring at the moon that I wish she got to see.

The water blurs my vision until I have to close them.