constantly muttering to yourself

a constant hum in the back of your head.

carrying conversations with the walls around you

this is normal mom,

leave me alone mom,

I want to eat in my room tonight mom,

I can’t talk right now mom.

buzz-buzz, buzz-buzz

your phone vibrates, mimicking a heartbeat

his heartbeat

the heartbeat you felt in your throat when he kissed you on the forehead

the heartbeat that synchronized itself with yours

thump-thump, thump-thump

your eyes shine and the medicine kicks in

your pupils stretch

your head fills with nonsensical words you don’t know how to say

or spell

everything is fine

your hands stop sweating

you can’t remember if you are breathing

you can’t see

everything is fine

the walls are dripping you can feel them

hot on your face

drip, drip, drip,

no light in your room, but everything is white and gold

shimmering

you wish

coming down

slowly and then you fall

you feel it pulling behind your belly button

no that’s something else, wasted food

swish, gurgle, pop, growl

you barely make it to the bathroom

swish, swirl, swish, swirl

wiping stomach acid off your face, you can’t wait,

wait to do this again tomorrow.

everything is fine.