I found myself

staring out of my bedroom

window,

my eyes followed the footsteps

of the strangers walking below me.

I studied their walk,

their smile,

and the way their eyes lit up.

Then I studied myself,

my walk,

my smile,

and the way my eyes lit up.

I wondered who I was.

I wondered if I was ever good enough

and if I could ever be

what they wanted me to be.

I did not see myself

as what others said I was:

funny,

strong,

and kind.

I saw myself

as the contrary:

bland,

weak,

and selfish.

The more I thought,

the more I shattered my perception

of who I was.

The years went by,

still I thought I was the woman

who was bland, weak, and selfish.

I wanted to be a woman

who was

funny,

strong,

and kind.

The one who was

reliable,

promising,

and good hearted.

The motivation did not come from

showing others I could be

who they wanted me to be;

my inducement came from myself.

I wanted to change

and become a woman who

I chose to be.

I struggled omitting

the old and bad habits of mine

and as I slowly reached

who I wanted be,

my perception of myself

was quite pleasing.

I was seen as a woman

who I wanted to be

from not only me,

but from the world that surrounds me