The day I fell out of love with my body—

my capsule,

my shrine—

weakness gnawed away at the palms of my hands,

dissatisfaction consumed my waist,

and comfort withered away like the skin I picked at

day

and night.

first; to detect a charlatan, check pulse.

             is it too fast? then it’s a fake.

                          body too fat? a fake.

The first time someone called me fat was in the 1st grade.

I have always been chubby, and I knew it.

Moreover, people around me never let me forget it.

The hollow shadow of my figure beckoned my insecurities.

Have you ever felt pain?

Pain so deep inside of you

Pain only you can feel.

Growing up I had times of physical

and mental pain,

through it however, I have gained.

I am in love with a girl… who is afraid of breakfast,

who brews coffee in the morning like gasoline feeding a starving engine.

Her fingers dance around the machinery of her waist out of step with reality.

145: i looked normal for a girl my size, a little extra meat on my bones but nothing to make me despise the body i lived in. Until i started comparing myself to the girls around me. maybe i should lose a couple pounds see that’s how it started.

The summers of my childhood meant dirty feet from playing ball without shoes, calloused hands from one too many rounds of the monkey bars, and racing to eat popsicles before the humidity melted their contents away. I was a good kid, but also a curious one. 

(A palindrome poem meant to be read top to bottom,and then bottom to top)