I was in the middle of Alabama, silhouette illuminated by the golden hour’s subtle sunlight, engrossed in a conversation with my cousin, just catching up.

He’d asked me if I was any better, and I’d told him that “at least I know my triggers now.” 

Two mirrors face each other, a girl in between.

The girl is me, stuck on the cliche of the introvert; on the outside looking in.

My problem is that I've always been on the inside looking out.

Trembling fingers, and one deep breath.

Eyes closed as the tips of his fingers

Grace the smooth edge of the ivory washed keys.

And the notes on the page jump out at him –

Decrescendo here! Forte there! A trill now!

And so the sun, in its dying fire falls,

Into the darkness of the night’s black realm.

The moon ascends into the sky, so stalls

I, to see its beauty and feel its calm.

But then come the stars, crossed in others eyes,

There was a time when innocence meant nothing to me.

She was a veil over the childhood I had

And took for granted,

And when she was stripped I wanted her back.

She was pillaged in the basement

of an old friend’s house.

I fall deeper and deeper with

Every scathing second.

My eyes are wide open now

And I realize that this is not a dream.

She turns inside me,

Her tiny foot skids the wall of my stomach.

I don’t know how she is a girl,

Out there…

During the day, around everyone…

I can be the funniest guy ever,

a person that don’t care about nothing,

someone confident about himself,

and that won’t let nobody make him feel less.

But once inside…

The cheerleader who always holds a book

And the agnostic with an avid church attendance

Someone so silent and simultaneously outspoken

And the fiery spirit which silence most benefits

Her identity, though contradictory, belongs to her

Dear Me,

You lose in the end.

In the end, you cry for 6 months and spend sleepless nights wondering why you weren’t enough.

In the end, your bedsheets become tissues for your tears and your pillow becomes a microphone.

my hair bleeds purple when i sleep

dark, violet, translucent in the way that sausage fat boiling on the pan is

before it touches a towel

in the way that a ghost’s imprint is before fingerprints are left on the kitchen counter

if I am to believe in anything,

i believe in the stars.

i believe in the glint the moon gives though a car door window.

i believe in the scattered freckles of lanterns in the sky,

eternally held in place until you

I loved you

And you loved me

Many nights we stayed awake together

Holding you close

Every time singing

Rhymes of geese and shoes

Every night

I wake up

Brush my teeth

Then look into the mirror.

I see a kid

Who looks confused

About his true self.

I don’t know who.

But it isn’t me.

It’s difficult,

The business of learning a new language.

Words slip away from you like a skittish bird

But you grasp for them

And try to give them some meaning.

i screamed into the void until my lungs collapsed,

but she barely gave me a glance when the silence relapsed.

i called out to the stars and they gave me an excuse:

“hey man i’m sorry, it’s me, it’s not you.”

when you click your heels and wish for home, where exactly is it that you go? i packed away all my ambition in manilla envelopes of faded dreams and sent them away to coral reefs so schools of fish a generation after me could learn from my mistakes.

Imagine yourself in a room full of balloons in a variety of colors, all with little white string.

Each balloon is an event; a lunch with friends, a family reunion, a party, a date.

I get part of her one day.

And a part of her the next.

I rarely see the same side twice.

But I don’t blame her,

 Because she is dying inside.

He makes me laugh

He makes me smile

We goof off

He sees a side of me that no one else sees

The silly side the ridiculous side

The “Let’s make up a word to mean this” side

We have each other’s back

Dear Body,

I’m sorry 

For all of the hate you're given

I know you're just trying to make a living

And go on with your life as it is

But every day you're seen in a mirror

And at that moment you’re seen clearer

Many people can’t fathom

my language

or why I communicate 

in a manner different 

than them.

They fear oddity,

panicking at the individual

who will violate

the common order 

I am an emerald waterfall flowing with knowledge,

Running through life like a wolf. 

While my imagination is like sea, always more to discover.

There’s more to me than what meets the eye, 

And only some can see it.

All eyes on those who shimmer with dialogue

All eyes on those with tongues aflame,

blinded

 by their empty words

that block genuine insight.

“Work Harder,

Do better,

Study more,

Don’t act stupid,

Pay attention.”

These are the things that run through my mind nonstop,

But they don’t know.

I call myself dummy after dumb blonde,

But they don’t know.

Being a creator isn’t easy. Your inside thoughts and feelings are always on display to everything on the outside.

When I am alone

I talk to things

Things that aren't there

Because I have no one else to talk to

When I am alone

I listen to music

Because I like some noise

When I am alone

I get sentimental

I am not you

I am not your height

or weight

or the way you wake up in the morning

I am not the way you comb your hair

or drive a car

I didn’t ask for your 

insecurities

Or your hands 

To venerate me.

Your foundation is no different than that of your neighbors,

    ground firmly into the cool of the Earth with no concern

    for those who dwell above you.

Your walls beg to tell a different story, desperate for language

The lights of the city shine brighter than any star.

a cool breeze cuts through the humid night air.

the sidewalk is cracked by too many steps in everyone’s one-thousand-mile journey.